Carol Vorderman, you big ride. Lookit you there - wowsers. OK, steady on, you're pushing a boundary now - then again, you are a Loose Woman *badabing* In the spirit of that ridiculousness, I've spent the morning categorising a selection of last night's National Television Awards attendees. They start off seriously enough, and then swiftly descend into gibberish. Enjoy. Care to see Who Won What?

Small Screen Siren
Carol Vorderman
Janine off EastEnders
Cindy Beale/Stella Off Corrie

There's a Flannel With Your Name On It
Caroline Flack
Mark Wright
Amy Childs
David Walliams
Bird off Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

Grecian Goddess
Denise off EastEnders
Amanda Byram
Whitney off EastEnders

Surprisingly Classy
Kerry Katona
Amy Childs
Roxie off EastEnders

You Little Flapper
Fearne Cotton
Eileen off Corrie
Holly Weston
Amira off EastEnders

Not Quite Pulling Off The "Would Look Good in a Sack" Look
Kylie off Corrie
Tina off Corrie

Tubular Bells
Sunita off Corrie
One of the Friars

The Lady Over Right Your Shoulder is Disappointed Too
Carla off Corrie

Sporting The Contents of a Microscope Slide
Laura Whitmore - so, engorged red corpuscles are "in"?

You've Got Legs, Fair Play To You
Fatima Whitbred
Chloe Sims
Tess Daly

"I'm Off Down To The Shops, Can I Get You Anything?"
Caroline Flack
Afia off EastEnders
Karen Gillan
Jenny Eclair

Eyes Are Too Small For That Amount of Shadow
Lola of EastEnders

You Look a Bit Strange Now That You're Skinny
Jennifer Ellison
Pauline Quirke

This Must Be Awkward For You
Heidi Range
Dave Berry

Brought a Rapist as a Date
Sally off Corrie. Explains why the neckline of her dress is inordinately high.

You've Got Some Neck
Tess Daly

I'd Rather See Your Growler
Lorraine Kelly

Clothes are Officially Not Your Friend.