The pinnacle of pointlessness occurred last night. At the risk of becoming a parrot (feel free to call me Polly, it's a nice name) - why bother having an awards show called the MTV Europe Music Awards when they don't celebrate acts from Europe? Do the Americans really need to fly en masse to another continent to showcase their monopoly of disposable culture?
Lauren has a list of winners in the Music News section, and a quick scan will show that few European acts received accolades. Sir Paul McCartney was named MTV's Ultimate Legend (the obvious choice considering the awards were being held in Liverpool). And the Best Act Ever went to Rick Astley thanks to the Rickrolling phenomenon on YouTube. Needless to say, Rick didn't turn up, or bother his hoop recording an acceptance speech, 'cause the whole thing's a piss take. Britney Spears winning Best Album and Best Act of 2008? How many times has she performed this year? And wasn't Blackout released in 2007?! Don't get me started on 30 Seconds To Mars winning anything, never mind two awards (although, Jared, I still would). Are we meant to believe Europeans voted for these acts to win? Final question: Has anyone ever heard of Europe's Favourie Act Emer Aydin?
The rest of the awards were namely dedicated to Barak Obama's presidential win and Katy Perry's 12 outfit changes - one of which saw her dressed as an American Footballer while caressing an enlarged cherry Chapstick. How very ooh la la. Another one saw her strapped to a giant banana. Bellissimo.
So, the only thing left to do is pass comment on those who shuffled up the red carpet.
Pink: Understated as usual, sporting the dress I wore as a bridesmaid to my sister's wedding
Duffy: make up gun set to 'whore'. She still should've won something.
Kerry Katona: A bleached shadow of her former self. Got booed while presenting an award to 30 Seconds to Mars.
Perez Hilton: Is he wearing a skirt? Oh, they're shorts. Teamed with golfing type socks and sh*t kickers?
Tokio Hotel: A lot of effort goes into looking computer generated.
Katy Perry: Looking more demure around the face than usual, despite her dress attempting to reinact a scene from The Muppets featuring Sam the Eagle. Ah, that didn't last long.
Katy Perry's boyfriend: Prospects.
Estelle: Is hating her boobs for some reason.
Take That: In size order, looking sharp.
The Killers: Would want to take a leaf out of Take That's book.
Ting Tings: Jules still refuses to be seen without sunglasses since he resembled a hoody sporting middleaged in the video for Great DJ.
Anastacia: Nice tats.