We had some subtle 'peek-a-boob' from the likes of Rita Ora in Marchesa, Taylor Swift in J. Mendel and some midriff action in the form of Alicia Keys' Stella McCartney optical number... and then we had host Heidi Klum what could only be Versache.

How do you like them apples, or rather latticed apple tartlets. Yikes, the breasticles won't thank you for that. This year's Eurovision winner Loreen failed to wear a top altogether and yet still managed to look classier.

Also falling under the spectacularly getting it wrong banner was Kim Kardashian in Stephane Rolland. We know that 'cause she felt compelled to tweet the following: "I'm wearing the coolest Stephane Rolland dress for tonight's MTV Awards! Hope you guys like it!" That would be a no. Unless Stephane was trying to depict Kim swaddled in discarded shredded swatches of cutting room floor material, therefore signifying her (presumed) imminent foray into the world of acting; now that would be 'ort.'

Then we had Pixie Geldof, carting around a fortune cookie and a dress featuring a chasm, both of which depicted her new career as a 'singer'. As for Carly Rae Jepsen, she has an unfortunate hum of the Tulisas about her; i.e. looks entirely out of place in anything apart from a trackie, while Lana Del Rey looked like she was missing her tea room in Carolina. Don't get me wrong, it's lovely, just a bit muted for such an affair.

So, all in all, the red carpet fodder was a bit bleh - apart from this meeting of the minds between Jedward and The Hoff, as well as a slew of amazingly ornate creatures, all of which answer to the name 'Guest' according to WENN. This one's my favourite.

> MTV EMA 2012: winners list