Relax, this is not Justin Bieber's lovechild with Carly Rae Jepsen (think Canadia's answer to Miley Cyrus - in looks, that is; her music is much more palatable), this is his baby brother Jaxon (yes, that's Jackson with an 'x') who he's traumatising on the red carpet of last night's Much Music Video Awards.
Baby Bieber wasn't the most troubling sight either, nor was it this low cut dress, or this creature, this arse shelf, two oiled up men giving boys there a premature body complex, or the mere presence of Perez Hilton... it was Katy Perry and her band of Mini Me's...
Sorry to don my Daily Mail cap, but how in the name of Jaysis was second from the left allowed? She looks approximately six. Yes, Katy, you've created a load of cherry creamcake breasted six year olds, you should be tickled silly with yourself.
MMVAs 2012: The Full List of Winners (not that you'll know many of them as you're probably not Canadian)
Video of the Year: Carly Rae Jepsen for Call Me Maybe, directed by Ben Knechtel
Post-Production of the Year: Down With Webster for Big Wheels, directed by Aaron A.
Cinematography of the Year: Marianas Trench for Fallout, directed by Kyle Davison
Director of the Year: Danney Fernandes f. Josh Ramsay and Belly for Hit Me Up, directed by Marc Andre Debruyne
Pop Video of the Year: Marianas Trench for Haven’t Had Enough, directed by Kyle Davison
MuchLOUD Rock Video of the Year: The Sheepdogs for I Don’t Know, directed by Davin Black and Mike Sevigny
MuchVIBE Hip-Hop Video of the Year: Drake f. Lil Wayne and Tyga for The Motto, directed by Hyghly Alleyne, Lamar Taylor
MuchFACT Indie Video of the Year: City and Colour for Fragile Bird, directed by Michael Maxxis
International Video of the Year: Katy Perry for Last Friday Night, directed by Marc Klasfeld
International Video of the Year: Group LMFAO for Sexy and I Know It, directed by Mickey Finnegan
International Video of the Year: by a Canadian Justin Bieber for Boyfriend, directed by X
MuchMusic.com Most Watched Video Carly Rae Jepsen, Call Me Maybe
UR FAVE Video of the Year Carly Rae Jepsen
UR Fave International Artist Katy Perry
UR fave Artist or Group Justin Bieber