I see George Michael's finally been put away, despite pleas from his barrister like: "For the first time in many years he has started writing again. His creativity, so long hampered by his drug dependence, is re-emerging."
Well, that's bound to serve him in the clink; Lindsay Lohan reportedly wrote some of her best stuff while she was "inside". Although she didn't have the distraction of being surrounded by her dance partner of choice. OK, she went out with Samantha Ronson, but that's because they loved each other, but she wouldn't be in to every inmate going. George, on the other hand, is sure to find himself in the company of many a potbellied van driving man, and most of the toilets in Pentonville are public. Mine field.
Kenny Goss wiped away tears as he left Highbury Corner Magistrates Court yesterday, for obvious reasons, while George allegedly had some tears to spill himself. According to 42-year-old Richard Hayes, who was in the holding cell on a speeding charge: "He didn't know what to do. He was in pieces. He kept repeating, 'I can't believe this has happened to me.' He was crying his eyes out, he was sobbing. He was like a little boy."
George, this is what happens when you repeatedly take drugs, fall asleep behind the wheel of your Range Rover / Mercedes, and plough into other cars/bollards/shop corners. And you're not being made an "example of", as your solicitor claims, you're paying your dues. Consider yourself lucky you didn't maim someone on your nightly jaunts.
And at least you still have your fans. Mainly Hevvah types who burst into tears once his sentence was handed down. One wailed "NO, OH GEORGE!" while another roared "Good luck, George." There were a herd outside the court, declaring "I'm devastated", and "I had to come to show my support", and "I've been a fan for 26 years. That's longer than my marriage." Ooooh, one even said: ""I love him to bits. I don't care what he has done - it is not like he killed anyone." Every cloud, eh.
Of course, there were passers by who enjoyed a good ole rubber neck. Like Pete (I still can't believe Kate Moss let him touch her with those nails) Doherty. Revelling in the fact it wasn't him being carted off to Pentonville prison (where he spent four whole nights, yet it still warranted an entire song).
George will serve four weeks of his eight week term, with the remaining four weeks to be "spent on licence". He will also face a five year driving ban.