Not too long ago, while Lindsay was in rehab for the 5th or 6th time (I dunno, ask Dina), Michael Lohan was somehow informed that his repeated blatherings to the press regarding his daughter weren't conducive to her recovery. So he announced he wouldn't be talking about his daughter anymore. In fact, I believe he said he wasn't going to talk to the press at all anymore.

All good things must come to an abrupt end, however, and now that his first born offspring is out of rehab, here's Michael providing the usual daughter update to the people he thinks care most about him in the world:

"She is doing great. I was just on the phone with her (JUST THIS MINUTE. WE'RE SO CLOSE). She is taking it easy and just doing things in her own way. I am supporting her with a lot of money! (AREN'T I GREAT?! I'VE GOT MONEY THAT I'M GIVING TO MY DAUGHTER TO KEEP HER SANE. PLAUDITS PLEASE!). As long as she stays around the same people she is with now. She hasn't been going out anywhere. She has been staying at home, cooking her own meals, going to the gym... We went to an AA meeting last night then went home and had a quiet night ('CAUSE WE'RE SO DAMN TIGHT *thumps chest*). She changed back to the girl she used to be. When she was at her best - literally. She's done a 180 and I'm very proud of her."

It'd be great if someone could magic Michael a miniature internal editing suite for his birthday; "She is doing great... She's done a 180 and I'm very proud of her" would've sufficed beautifully.

As Farmer Hogget once said: "That'll do, pig. That'll do."