Michael Jackson has rented a new pad in London - from Rod Stewart. Jackson's new gaff has is set amongst a beautiful landscape of over 180 acres, and it even has a five-a-side football pitch, though we're not sure how much use that's going get during Jacko's stay. The King of Pop (Can we still call him that? Does he automatically have that prefix for life?) has also revealed that he will release new music in time for his hotly-anticipated live return this year. Jackson has also, and I'll leave you to make your own minds up on this, decided that he wants to FLOAT over the stage in a moment of sheer David Blaine pretentiousness. He is also training an army of "dance doubles" to fill in for him in the more difficult routines that his 50 year old body can't handle.

So let's get this straight. Michael is recruiting a bunch of disciples to help him on his Lazarus-like return to the stage. Also, he plans on flying and/or floating over the stage.

See where I'm going with this?! Maybe someone has been drinking too much Jesus Juice..

-John Balfe

(Sheena McGinley is away)