Hi there. As I've just returned from a weekend jaunt to Malta, one can expect more pictures than "writing" today. The fingers, along with the brain, have seized up nicely. God bless the rest of you enduring this for the past four days.

So here's gallery numero uno, which - no surprises here - includes a load of grossly overpaid individuals along with a smattering of soap stars. The kind souls at Manchester United (with the exception of Rooney) and (largely) Corrie joined forces to raise money for the kiddies via UNICEF.

We have those who went to extraordinary lengths to cover up from the cold (Kevin Webster and Michelle Connor), those who probably should have (sporadic Emmerdale cast member who plays Hollythejunky's mate showcasing what looks like underboob), the cloned, the cardboardcutouts, the distinguished, the Ferdinand, the presenter (I'm guessing), and the manager's beet hue toning in with the carpet.

The overriding theme of the night was manky dresses. Kym Marsh resembles a tightly bound sausage, Georgie Porter had to stand like a farmer to balance out her bolstered behind, too short, too middle-American pageant queen, and too curtainy. When Michelle Keegan is the best dressed bird in the room, there's something seriously awry.