So, you're stuck out in Kuwait, without your loved ones, and have possbily seen unmentionable atrocities. Hey, at least the US Army supply a bit of entertainment to alleviate the mental and physical anguish that goes with being in a war zone. And look who they've shipped over for you this time - Jessica Simpson! Don't worry, she won't be prancing around in a natty hotpant and bikini top combo in person for fear of reminding you just how long you've gone without intimate touch, she's not even going to sing that much!!! Here's what she has planned: "Once I found out I was going to come out here to Kuwait, I wanted the soldiers to be the very first to screen Major Movie Star. I haven't even seen it yet, so they got to see it before me. The special effects and all that kind of stuff's not in it (yet), but I wanted them to be the first to enjoy it and watch me make a fool out of myself trying to do boot camp." Yep, that's what every exhausted troop wants to see, a fully-clothed Jessica Simpson (although we're told there is the odd bikini shot) attempting to convey a completely unrealistic view of the horror you've endured... and all the while knowing it isn't good enough to go on general release, yet it's being forced upon you. C'mon, what's one more hardship to take for your country!