It would seem the 51-year-old isn't even considering retiring certain internal organs as yet. Reports are rife today that Madonna plans to dust off her womb for the purpose of housing a baby Jesus.

An extremely mouthy pal offered: "Em (Hmmm. Short for Madonna? Or Esther? Or Louise Veronica Ciccone?) says motherhood is her greatest achievement and the most fulfilling thing in her life. (UNDERSTATEMENT ALERT) She knows that, at 51, it's going to be harder to conceive naturally. But she is Olympic-athlete fit and is ready for the challenge... Jesus is very religious and deeply in love with her. He adores her kids but has always wanted a child of his own. He told Em fatherhood would be his greatest adventure, and that he wanted to go on this journey with her."

Of course it would be his "greatest adventure" - how many life-altering happenings could the average 23-year-old experience in their existence?

If this rumour be true, the likelihood of Madonna conceiving is quite high. Even if she had to resort to surrogacy, she'd keep the hired womb secret and strap on a fake foam belly for the duration. That or she would employ her Madonnandroid (her animatronic stage double who receives dance instructions and mid-song patter through the obvious portal) to undertake the quest of being photographed pregnant in public, and deposit a 18-month-old Malawian child under its modified maternity basque moments before it announced it was about to "bring forth the spawn of a supreme being." Or she'd make Jesus have it.