... and she upset a load of Shorditch House sorts in the process.

If you'd rather hear the bland incidentals of the proceedings, like what she was wearing and the guest list (Laurence Fox, Billie Piper, Paul Whitehouse and, eh, the Blinkleman), then here they are. I'm more interested on how she gave fellow diners the hump, however.

According to a member of the club talking to The Mirror: "We had planned a lovely dinner that had been booked for ages. Then we were told we had to move at the last minute for a very important person. At first we thought it was for Claudia bloody Winkleman! (good luck with the ratings, Claudia, good luck with the ratings) We were the lucky ones, others who had booked but didn't have any membership were kicked out all together. There was barely any music or laughing coming from the party, it was like a wake. We thought Jesus might have set up the decks for a dance, but it was very stuffy and serious. Pharrell Williams was supposed to have turned up, which would at least have raised the bar a bit on her lame guestlist. And Madge was gone by midnight out the back door. It was a bit sad." Really? And she seemed so thrilled by the prospect of it all...

Seemingly Madge is throwing another party for herself on Wednesday, which is set to include her soon-to-be-ten-year-old son Rocco. Instead of hiring out the boat shaped seat in her local McDonalds and depriving all the regular punters of Happy Meals, she's planning on "holding a king and queen-themed party".

A source said: "Rocco and Madonna have birthdays just days apart so she thought it would be nice to really treat the youngster to an unforgettable party. The plan is to have a wholesome daytime activity and party, with Rocco's chums invited, followed by an alcohol-free dinner, with jelly, dairy-free ice cream and gluten-free brownies."

Poor fecker.