There's no two ways about it. The woman is a machine. A machine that's still, evidently, trying to find itself but we'll forgive it that; it takes a while to get comfortable in a new synthetic skin. It would appear that Guy is unaware his wife has become a fully fledged droid, saying: "Her legs are Olympic standard. She is in amazing shape. You won't find a fitter bird than her. Her legs are so toned. She's fitter than dancers on her tour who are half her age." Or, perhaps he's in on the act... he has the organic Madonna dressed in a demure frock, tethered to the kitchen sink. Well, a real 50-year-old woman wouldn't be able to earn a reported €192 million (€37,230 a second) from a mammoth tour (51 dates in total) in which her crotch is the star...
Along with getting to know itself, the droid has yet to master the art of conversation. It attempted little banter with the audience on Saturday night's opening gig in Cardiff, which left many miffed. According to The Examiner, a Cardiff native said: "I expected her to say thank you to us, considering we came along for the opening night. Her singing was good, but there was no interaction." When it did speak, it got a little confused. At one point it invited the crowd to have an opinion, saying: "This is the part where I take requests. What would you like me to play?" followed by; "I'm not singing that. I'm in charge. I choose the songs." To quell the sparks fizzing from her ears, the following message flashed before Madonnandroid's eyes: OVERLOAD… OVERLOAD… BENVOLENCE DOES NOT COMPUTE... FLASH HYPNOTIC PORTAL AND SLING LEG OVER NEAREST MALE OF THE SPECIES IMMEDIATELY.
If you were mad enough to buy a ticket; here's what's in store... the set takes nearly two hours, no thanks to the repeated video interludes (which are presumably present so Madonnabot doesn't experience at complete melt down)
Intro/Candy Shop // Beat Goes On // Human Nature // Vogue // *Video interlude* // Into The Groove // Heart Beat // Borderline // She's Not Me (indeed) // Music // *Video interlude* // Devil Wouldn't Recognise You // Spanish Lesson // La Isla Bonita // *Romanian folk musical interlude (random)* // You Must Love Me // *Video interlude* // 4 Minutes // Like a Prayer // Ray of Light // Hung Up // Give It To Me. 'Game Over' is then flashed across the screen; the command which powers down Madonnaborg for the night.
