Speaking as a rampantly insecure sort; the usual offence in an emotionally crippling public situation is defence. In short, take the mick before anyone else can *lifts thumbs aloft*. It could be considered immature but it's what most comedians base their careers on. Not that we're calling Linsday Lohan a comedian, you understand. We're just saying she's cripplingly self-aware... Or was simply handed a large wedge from those Funny or Die folks. Not that she needs money, or anything. Below is a transcript of the "spoof" internet dating video that's currently doing the rounds:
"Hi, my name is Lindsay and I'm searching for love. I'm recently single - I think - and I'm looking for someone I can spend the rest of my life with... or at least the rest of my probation with. I'm an actress, a singer, an entrepreneur, and I single-handedly keep 90% of all gossip websites in business. I would define my personality as creative, I'm a bit of a night owl… a workaholic, an shopacholic and, according to the State of California, an alcoholic, as well as a threat to all security guards if they work in hotels. And to put all those rumours to rest - I am not broke. I actually have over $400 in the bank and 20,000 Marlboro miles which I'm very proud of. I am looking for a compatible mate who likes a night on the town - as long as he or she is driving, of course *giggles* - likes ankle-monitoring bracelets and doesn't have family quick to issue restraining orders. The perfect mate likes long walks on the beach, car chases on the PCH, antiquing, and passing out in Cadillac Escalades (she forgot to mention popping up unannounced at Lily Allen gigs). So if you think you can handle a redhead with a little bit of sass, and by that I mean a redhead that's… crazy - I mean, don't pretend like you don't know me, we've all read about it - we'll crash a few parties, a car or two, but at the end of the day I promise you I never lose my Google hits. Just my underwear."
/dignity.
