Can someone magic Michael Lohan's lips shut? C'mon, it's Halloween, surely someone's got some yapper control wizardry up their sleeves… If he doesn't shut up fairly lively, Lindsay would be well within her rights to pounce on his chest and get busy with some darning work. Failing that, she could perhaps pay whoever is pumping her lips full of poison to double the dosage on her dad, rendering his mouth immobilised. That should do the job.
For some reason (I'll hazard a wild guess and say 'because it's a talking point') Grazia magazine conducted an interview with Michael (after Lindsay requested he stopped talking to the press about her), in which he said his daughter "could be dead in a year. It could be a year, a month, a week - who knows?" Um, nobody does, which is why it's redundant to speculate.
Lohan continued with: "She has a plethora of medicine you can't mix and can't drink with. She needs long-term rehab. I fear the worst. Look at Elvis, Anna Nicole Smith, Heath Ledger - who was a close friend of hers." Well, her imminent death is plain fact, then... Perhaps Lindsay should hurry along that restraining order Dina suggested she take out against Michael. Put your macabre hat on for a minute: How much money would Michael make out of his "I TOLD YOU SO!" appearances after her death?
Moving on. 'Cause things can only get better *dances*. Michael conducted an chat show interview with appeared on Maury in the US to say Lindsay is a "hollow person", who has "nothing left in her" and that he "couldn't even look at her." Here comes the best bit. According to TMZ, that specific show Michael was on was titled: 'You're 14... Stop Lap Dancing and Trying to Get Pregnant.'
Was he on to talk about Ali and Lindsay just happened to come up in conversation? Sure, Ali looks about 35, is going to clubs with her sister and has, weirdly, adopted the same bulbous lips as her older sister, but she - thankfully - was never this...
Behold Noah Cyrus. Miley Cyrus's 9-year-old sister. Sure, 9-year-old Noah was attending a party called Dream Halloween Dream, but that's no excuse to hookerize a child so early on in life. Even Lindsay wasn't subjected to this. They've plenty of time to dress like a whore at Halloween when they're the grand old age of 16, let them be princesses, fairies or bunny rabbits for just a wee bit longer.
I'm not even sure what she's meant to be. A peace purveying spawn of Elvira? Shame on you Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus. She hasn't even reached double digits yet.