Lindsay Lohan's court ordered alcohol ed advisor is going to be tickled cerise with her progress.
The Sun have pictures of her hanging on to a railing in a bid to keep herself as far as possible from the tarmac, while leaving the 2009 Whitney Museum Gala at The Whitney Museum of American Art in New York on Monday night. 'Cause Lindsay's all about the 'ort'. Getting photographed and put in the papers is just something she must endure as part of her intense love of art. The same goes for Mischa Barton, Shakira and Taylor Momsen. And the beautifully bountiful Jennifer Hudson and the painfully lean Alexa Chung. And a load of other ladies who I've nary clapped an cornea on before, but are wearing dresses and therefore worthy of inclusion in our heaving gallery (one could say, this gallery is the equivalent of Jennifer Hudson's bodice). Oh, and the reason Donatella Versache is holding hands with everyone is because she hosted the yoke.
We have ladylike and not so ladylike states of attire. We have pretty and plain. We have spangly, sparkly, searing and the near-forgotten. We have the tragically hectic, superflous neck adornments, and what appears to be a ballerina entering a beauty pageant. We also have an angry space invader sitting atop an even angrier sparrow. Maybe it's feeling peckish. I wonder has *scrolls through list of unfamiliar names. Thinks 'Oh, if only she was called Byrdie (while we're at it, what is up with the chest area) Bell'*, Nicole Trunfio ever had anyone try to force feed her crotch worms...
But back to Lindsay. Perhaps she got herself in a heap because Charlotte Ronson was there. Or perhaps it's because her mother, Dina, is forcing her to get a restraining order against her father, Michael, after he announced: "I'm going to see the judge this week. If I can't get a conservatorship (HAH!), then I'm going to take her to an undisclosed location and get her straight. But I know I'm going to get charged with kidnapping."
Before she went out and no doubt commandeered and swiftly quaffed every champagne flute in sight, Lindsay said: "I'm so hurt that someone who calls himself my father, needs to use the press to communicate with me. I have not spoken to my father, nor have I responded to his threatening and erratic messages over the last several months. It's so sad that he needs to stay in the media spotlight by using my name and making up excessive lies. He should instead try to be a real father."
We're not sure what Lindsay's definition of a 'real father' is, but we're assuming it's someone who doesn't wind up in prison, challenge people to public boxing matches, threaten kidnap, doesn't picture himself doing what looks like cocaine with her... whoa, sorry, that would be a real mother.