It pains me to give time to this, as I have little respect for either party involved, but it's a snail's pace of a day. Both have, on many occasions, made me consider investigating gender reassignment (not so I could court them, rather disassociate myself from being the same sex), and this time is no different.

Webbernet blights Courtney Love and Lily Allen got into a skirmish backstage during the NME Awards. Something about Chanel dresses, or something? Lily had told no one else they could wear Chanel at the BRITS 'cause she was wearing Chanel that night? Big whup, wanna fight about it? Well, yes they did, now that you mention it.

Here's Lily's side, courtesy of The Mirror: "It started when Courtney Love made a joke to Lily about the fact she made Chanel lock down their entire collection for her for The Brits.. Lily didn’t see the funny side and blurted 'go f*ck yourself' to which Courtney replied 'right back at you, honey'. Courtney then told her TV crew (we don't know why there was a TV crew): 'I can see me and Lily Allen are going to have a fist fight tonight.' Sadly, they didn't have a fist fight, but they went at it when Courtney tried to make the peace later on. However, Lily screamed: 'You're f*cking mental, go away.'"

Lily then took to Twitter, saying: "Just clearing a couple of things up. Courtney Love and I did NOT have a bust up at the NME'S. There was an exchange of words, yes... she's upset because she has got it into her head that i put a lock on some dresses for the brit awards. She's made no secret of this and... *type, type, type* when I saw her at the NME'S she tried to talk to me and I told her to shut up stop spreading stupid rumours about me... and that’s pretty much it. I would never fight with her, as a rule I don't pick on crazy old ladies." In response to an incidental, she said: "No but it's the sort of thing a paraniod drug addled lunatic might come up with."

Personally, The Sun's version of events are preferable: "A crew member who witnessed the incident said: 'The two singers were chatting amicably at first... Courtney seemed to take offence to something Lily said about her daughter Frances Bean and started shouting at Lily, calling her 'a little girl' and patronising her by saying 'welcome to the music industry'. Lily was visibly shaken and upset by the exchange and snapped back 'Why the f*** did you say that to me?' before being ushered out in tears by her boyfriend. It all happened very quickly and soon got out of hand."

Courtney then took to Twitter, saying: "I know most people in rock and music in London and I don't know one human being that likes this person. I just don't get it. She's on a diet of Haterade and cat hiss and self-loathing. It was ugly, she was obviously jealous. So insecure, it's catchy, I just don't get it" (I take it The Sun made some grammatical and spelling amendments... there's correct use of capitals for a start. And dashes).

OK, I'll enter into the spirit of things and say, if pushed, I'd have to declare Courtney's comeback superior. In fact, pretty damn accurate for a "paranoid drug addled lunatic."