After speeding round the Top Gear track, Gambon corner 'n all, Tom and Camerontook themselves off to Leicester Square for the premiere of their film - you might have heard mention of it - Knight and Day.

As usual, the calibre of guest blah is indicative of the blah calibre of film blah, etc. Observe - random guest number one; random guest two; random guests three and four; someone called Camilla Kerslake; some absolute wan in ridiculous heels; Anastacia who I very nearly didn't recognise due to the absence of eyewear; Gary Lucy; Stacey 'OH MY GODT!'Solomon and her ma; and Edith bleedin' Bowman...

It says something when Edith Bowman is the biggest guest name there... with the exception of Shane Lynch and Keeeeet Duffy. Don't they look sheeearp, with their Ray Bans on, tattoos, and form fitting apparel. And then you get the panned back version...

Lads, does anyone else there, even in the baying crowd, have their jackets knotted around their waists? You look like yous on yisser way to the local arcade, via the chipper for a whooordleeh borgor (translates as a "whirly burger"). For those unfamiliar with said delicacy, it's a north inner city Dublin speciality involving replacing your average burger with a battoh borgor (a "batter burger"). Some hardcore chippers go one step further and deep fry the entire burger - bun, dressing, the lot - in batter.

Sickening, fundementally dire for one's health, yet strangely tantalising. A bit like Boyzone.