Jayney, there's a very special kind of dross loafing around the gossip pages today... Kim Kardashian's single, everybody. Gratitude for minature mercies; she's only releasing a single, not an album. She's most likely concerned about being obliterated by William Shatner's legacy in spoken word nursery rhymes. Indeed, Kim doesn't exactly sing, rather says words in different tones. In other words, she makes Paris Hilton sound like she has the vocal prowess of Aida.

Most of the lyrics comprise of "Turn it up, Turn it up, Turn it up, Turn it up, Turn it up, Turn it up, DJ" and "Turn Me Up, Yak, Yak, Yak" (I'm sure it's 'Yeah', but I'm going with Yak), it's auto-tuned to smithereens, overproduced to an inch of its existence (which, given what producers had to work with, was very necessary), but - and please forgive me for saying this - it's an infuriatingly catchy bag of sh*te, especially when compared to the skitter currently infiltrating the charts at the minute (I'll never recover from hearing the Black Eyed Peas' bastardisation of The Time Of My Life). Honestly, to quote Hugh Dennis circa 1992 "It's got a good beat!!" *swings elbows about*

Although with lyrics like "Feeling good, Feeling great, I just got paid" she's still a loathsome blight on anything attempting to represent talent. I never thought I'd say this, but there is one person more responsible for the degradation of popular culture than Simon Cowell, and that's Ryan Seacrest.