The Perry has been blogging about her "addiction" to a show called Little Miss Perfect, which specialises spray painting 5-year-olds to look like middle-American prom queens from 1987.

"I have been in Europe for almost three weeks and have obviously missed the best thing that has ever hit television. To tell the truth… my mom entered me in one or two of these things. The first one was just at your local grocery store. I got 2nd place. It wasn't a hard race, just between a couple of other girls in the grocery store and then I faintly remember doing a REAL pageant when we lived in Lake Havasu, (Arizona) and I competed and got 2nd place. 2ND PLACE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH... (worrying) I bet it was 'cause mom cut corners, took her own pictures, over-Swarovski (over-adorn) a jacket or something. Actually, you could probably not ever OVER swarovski ANYTHING in a Little Miss Perfect pagent (sic)! That is why I NEED TO COMPETE NOW. Even though I am 24, I still wear those same outfits, and still have my hair and makeup done like that. I am THEM. Plus I know exactly what I'd say if ANY question was picked outta a fish bowl... I mean I've done probably 5,000 interviews by now, I am READY for any curve ball! Okay, maybe there's an age restriction. That's fine, I'll just become a pagent (sic) mom. I'm sure there's room for two pagent (sic) b**ches. Soft curls, fake lashes, crystals and big smile, welcome to your Little Miss Perfect addiction!!!"

Insert spout about how wrong it is to thrust the alleged "importance" of aesthetics on infants, and what limited professions it might lead to in later life, here.