Sorry lads, Jessica Biel is now officially off the market. And sorry ladies, so too is Justin Timberlake; they just got hitched! FINALLY!

After five long years of dating (which is akin to a Ruby wedding for us mere peasants) the pair have finally tied the knot in a secret ceremony in Italy. Today! Anticipating the onslaught of media attention, something they're very keen to stay away from, the duo were smart enough to release a statement:

"It's great to be married, the ceremony was beautiful and it was so special to be surrounded by our family and friends."

Nawww, isn't that nice? Now to say out loud the sentence surely bumbling around all of your minds' right now: how long do you give them?

Apologies, that's probably a bit mean; we're just totes jello. Let's try again... CONGRATULATIONS!