Man, I can't wait for the menopause *jigs excitedly*. Not necessarily the beard sproutage, or the dwindling libido side of things, but the mood swings are bound to be a hoot. When else can a women momentarily grow a set of danglers, lose all reason and find herself overcome with blinding the urge to fleece a load of trackies from a supermarket?!

The Sun have today reported upon two fine examples of women going bats quite possibly thanks to "the change". Footballer John Terry's 50-year-old ma and his 54-year-old mother-in-law have allegedly been "cautioned" for attempting to stuff clothes worth £800 into the back of their car:

"Sue Terry, 50, and Sue Poole, 54, were nicked and officially cautioned by cops for shoplifting clothes and food from Marks & Spencer and Tesco. By accepting the caution, they formally acknowledged their guilt. The incident is a huge embarrassment to Chelsea and England skipper Terry, 28, and to the FA. Tesco is the official England supermarket and M&S supplies suits to the England squad. One of the vice-presidents for England's 2018 World Cup bid is Tesco chief executive Sir Terry Leahy. Track suits were among the gear the women are said to have taken at the Brooklands Shopping Centre in Weybridge, Surrey. Defender Terry earns £135,000-a-week, plus bonuses and huge sums from sponsorship deals. His mum and mother-in-law live jet-set lives thanks to his huge wealth. They have have been flown all over the world at Terry's expense to watch him play, including at the 2006 World Cup finals in Germany... A source said last night: 'Everyone was gobsmacked when the police realised they had arrested John Terry's mum and mum-in-law. They're women who want for nothing, yet they were accused of taking cheap gear without paying. They seemed at a loss to explain. One said she had no idea why she'd taken sports gear as she didn't even like wearing the stuff. They seemed shaken up'."

Who needs HRT?