Some of the country's finest musicians, and Jedward, will reportedly perform "for Obama" at a free concert in Dublin's College Green on Monday.

Someone merrily spilling to The Sun said: "The boys are over the moon - they can't believe they will sing for the President. This will be the performance of their lives... the President is sure to fall in love with them like everyone else."

Like Bill Clinton's visit in 1995, it will be a ticketless event so anyone's free to rock up from 2pm on Monday. This is good news for the odd Moneygall resident who didn't manage to clinch a ticket to their event. According to the paper, "hundreds of Obama fans queued for tickets yesterday to clinch a ticket to see the US President" in their home town. One of Obama's (very distant) relatives (considering his great-great-great grandfather left for New York in 1850), Henry Healy, said: "Everybody is extremely patient. They've been queuing for give to six hours."

Obama is due to fly into Moneygall, with the aid of a helicopter, at 2.30pm on Monday; just one of his many, many appointments that day. Therefore, the likelihood of him actually being present stage side to survey Jedward star kicking their way round a makeshift platform in their infertility pants is slim.... So, we'll cling to that for comfort. I remember, back in 1995 *puffs pipe*, being one of the 80,000 people in College Green to see Clinton, and I don't recall the Prez being there until the end, when he did a speech (that lasted forever and a day). To be honest, the initial excitement wore off after hour 3 of standing penned in with someone's arse in my chest. Another bonus to being five foot nothing.

In short, if you're heading to College Green on Monday, wear comfortable shoes and a rain jacket, bring lots of water, another bottle to piddle in, and make sure you're iPod's fully charged - you know - to block out the incessant squeals of teenage gerrals.