Seriously, it's OK Maria, it didn't happen. And even if it did happen, it wasn't legal (on many levels). It just may mean that your son may propose marriage in the near future given Miley's been engaged in the past and - if the below is in anyway true - seems to be a bit obsessed with becoming a wife.

Life & Style (via were reporting that Miley and Patrick got married while "a techno version of Here Comes The Bride" boomed. That's not all; "A 'midget' stripper in hot pants" ordained the ceremony "and the bride drunkenly slurring her vows."

“During one of their nights in Miami, Miley was ready to take the partying to the next level,” an insider told Life & Style. “So she grabbed Patrick by the neck and told him, ‘Tonight’s the night - we're getting married'... Miley whipped out rings she’s fashioned from rolling paper and again screamed, ‘We’re getting married!’" Apparently the venue was a friend's hotel room. As for Patrick's alleged reaction; he "giggled" throughout.

Despite none of the above sounding legally binding, a flurry of worry descended among their communal friends (possibly 'cause they weren't invited), which culminated when Miley assembled them all for an announcement on December 6th: "Miley invited a bunch of her childhood friends over to announce that she and Patrick had eloped the night before... Everyone seemed really confused and taken aback about what Miley went on to describe as a 'private commitment ceremony.'"

This sparked a thorough investigation by Gossip Cop, and they revealed the following findings. "The story is trash."

Now that we'll believe.