Madonna's 50th was a low key affair by all accounts, with Guy quick to point out during his speech that the majority of her 90 guests, who attended the party in London's Volstead nightclub on Saturday, actually worked for her. He must've got a swift kick under the table 'cause he quickly added "She looks better now than she ever has done. I’m so proud. I love her so much."

After Guy's moving public declaration (he looks like he's near touching cloth, such is his joy at being there), and little Lourdes' piano banged rendition of 'Never Alone' from Fame - Madonna herself pointed out that none of her close friends bothered their hoops turning up, saying (during her 40 minute speech): "I'm really disappointed. There are a lot of people who are not here tonight, but thanks to everyone who did make it. I can't believe I have reached half a century. It only happens once and this is an event I'm glad to be sharing with you." Here's looking at you, Stella McCartney and Gwyneth Paltrow. And possibly Sandra Bernhardt.
In spite of this, Madonna "gyrated" with "40 of her dancers" to a back catalogue of her tracks, while Guy watched from the bar, pint in hand. A source said: "She loved it when her songs came on. Her dancers were pulling out all the moves, breakdancing around her. It was like a final rehearsal for the tour (*ahems*whichkicksoffinCardiffnextSaturday...incaseyoudidn'talreadyknow)." I wouldn't doubt that for a moment.

As for her pressies (other than the watch and the reincarnation); details are fairly thin on the ground - with the exception of news that Lourdes designed a dress for her mum. And I fear this might be the dress in question... Sadly, this means when Lourdes becomes president, any plans of enforcing the sporting of some form of adequate clothing on one's bottom half is a mere pipe dream on my behalf. It would appear she was not only channeling Evita Peron when this was created, but also a smidgen of Cher's higher self.