When we think of paddywhackery and Oirish stereotypes, we generally tend to think along the lines of Americans thinking it's OK to name a shitty cocktail after events that killed and maimed people, or awful Irish accents ala 'Wild Mountain Thyme'.
Facebook, as we know, has been poisoning the planet since its inception and while most people talk about how it's managed to radicalise older people into bloodthirsty fascists and conspiracy theorist nutjobs, there's another more insidious threat looming. We're talking about viral cooking videos.
You know the type.
Bright, cheery, copyright-free music. Overly lit workspaces that look like they're in a sterile factory. Disembodied hands working in a flash to create pastel-coloured cakes that are made up of 97% sugar and liable to give you diabetes in one mouthful.
Chefclub Network is one such as these, and for the upcoming celebration of Celtic paganism syncretising with Catholicism - that's Paddy's Day we're talking about - they've gone ahead and made a cabbage stew. Sure, that sounds reasonable enough.
Until you realise that it's made with two cabbage heads placed on top of each other with a "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" sign on the top of it and the thing is cooked in an oven.
Get a load of this utter bollocks.
There's a lot to unpack here, so we'll dive right in.
First of all, the very concept of using cabbage heads as a means of cooking slop inside it is just ridiculous. Come out of the flowers, would you. Second, that's an ungodly amount of cheese and we're not even getting into the puff pastry.
Third, why would you make a stew and then decide to pour it into something else? Sure, half the reason why these Facebook viral videos do so well is because they go for the most extreme examples, but this is ridiculous. The stew is complete, Chefclub Network. Why are you going the long way around the houses? Do you think this is fun? Do you think anyone here in Ireland was going to countenance this bullshit?
Our ancestors fought the Normans, the Vikings, the English, survived persecution, forced starvation, colonisation, and oppression for 800 years. Our civilisation stretches back to the Early Bronze Age. The Book of Kells was created in the 9th century. We gave to this ungrateful world the works of Oscar Wilde, George Bernard Shaw, Peig Sayers, and Enya.
Do you think two cabbage heads mashed together with grated cheese is the way to go in honouring Irish culture?