Correct me if I'm wrong... but, after last night's show, I've an inkling Christopher Biggins might want his own chat show. At 10pm. As Ant and Dec delicately put it; Parkinson need not worry about his seat going cold. It's probably the funniest thing they've said all series. You need a break lads... or, more importantly, your production team need a rigorous motivational shoulder shake.
How many years has it been going now? At least five or six and, quite frankly, I'm bored of people tentatively sticking their heads into boxes stuffed with angry snakes, getting covered in frog spawn or gagging over kangaroo tackle. Even the ostriches have been done before... It's ALL been done before. It's yet another show suffering from a severe case of reality TV burn out.
In saying that, the "celebrities" in question managed to show some enthusiasm. Unlike Ant and Dec, it's clear the show's format was news for the likes of Janice Dickinson and the rest of them, which merged into either a smelly mass of OAPs - AKA the Old Angry People including Rodney Marsh, John Burton Race and Lynne Mother Earth Moonbeam - or the "nice", younger folk comprising of Gemma "lookit me baps but I don't like to be called a Page 3 girl and think the press are scum" Atkinson, Jay "I don't know any 5ive songs, me" Brown, Angela "you'd possibly" Ryder Richardson, Katie "I'm too intimidated to be a bitch in this scenario" Hopkins, Cerys "no, they're not real" Matthews and Marc "public infidelity advocate" Spannerman. Then, there is the man that has stood alone since joining the group, the stupendous Christopher Biggins. He has been a joy to snigger at and will surely be crowned either King or Queen this evening, depending on his whim. C'mon, it's a no-brainer; his competition is Jay and Janice (can you believe she's lasted so long near a naked flame?!).
Highlights: I'm struggling to think of any... hang on... really, I actually can't think of any?! This has never happened before... I'm so embarrassed. Janice being bitten by a rat and Biggins sharing a bed with one are too obvious... No, hang on, the one highlight was Marc Bannerman getting voted out first. Proper order. Lowlights: Cerys expectantly looking over her shoulder last night when Ant said "so there was someone you had a special bond with." She looked crushed when informed Marc didn't quite make it back to Australia to meet her. What a surprise. Imagine how deflated she'll feel when she reads all the panto related kiss-and-tell stories about him when she gets home...