Often times, compiling celebrity galleries stir a few thoughts from within. Depending on the event in question, there might be a bit of scorn... really it's displaced envy and disillusion. But, as much as I loathe to admit it, they're starting to instil feelings of inferiority - on a very superficial level. This is annoying 'cause, on the whole, I'm a very lucky person; why would repeatedly looking at images of beautiful sorts dripping in twinkly dresses in temperate climes make me feel rubbish?!?

Usually, looking at premieres or award ceremonies, I get the underlying feeling of either being stumpy, blotchy, squidgy, generally unkempt, and - at this time of year - cold. But this gallery takes the mick. It melded all those sentiments together and tied them up in a bow of... old. NEVER has a gallery made me feel old. But looking at 14-year-old Chloe Moretz busting out a honed Hollywood pose, how could you not? In fact, if you're over 25 I'd give this gallery a wide berth.

Speaking of wide, no one here is. They're long. Very long. Very, very long. Some of them are in flats and they're still long. Are the powers that be in Hollywood breeding these people in labs? Look at the length of these ones... Even yer man beside her looks unhappy in their presence, when, really, he should be ecstatic.

Don't get me wrong, I love and respect my legs for dancing me around birthday parties, the Hydro in Kilmuckridge, Wesley, Bective, Hollywood Nights, the Ormonde, Shaft, Temple of Sound, Columbia Mills, POD, Whelans, TBMC, innumerable sessions, and several festivals, but - bless them - they're not pretty. They are, at best, functional and I should be happy with that. I should be happy with that.

Yeah, so this is the LA premiere gallery of I Am Number 4. Funnily enough, it's about aliens. Well, one alien, played by Alex Pettyfer. It also stars his rumoured fiancé Dianna Agron and Teresa Palmer, respectively sporting excess flesh and a bejewelled Surry covering loosely fashioned into frocks, and they both still look stunning.

Screw this, I'm off to horse into a packet of Meanies *shuffles off*