If you win, Mr. Hogan, would you be so kind as to divvy it up? You know, give a couple of bob to those who watched your leaked sex tape inadvertently. We're still trying to coax young Dave from under the desk.

TMZ reports that: "Hulk's attorney spoke at a news conference in Tampa moments ago, announcing two lawsuits filed today by the wrestler - one against his good friend Bubba the Love Sponge and his ex-wife for illicitly recording Hulk without his permission, and another against Gawker for publishing the tape. Hulk's attorney says the wrestler is seeking $100 MILLION in damages from Gawker stemming from the leaked footage. It's unclear what he's seeking from Bubba and Bubba's ex Heather Clem. In the suit, obtained by TMZ, Hogan claims he 'had a reasonable expectation of privacy in his consensual, intimate activities in a private bedroom and reasonably believed that his privacy was safe and protected.' Hulk's attorney says Bubba and Co.'s actions were 'illegal, outrageous, and exceeded the bounds of human decency.' In addition to forking over damages, Hulk's team wants Bubba, Gawker, and anyone else in possession of the sex footage to turn it over ASAP in order for it to be destroyed forever."

And ever, and ever, amen. The future of the humanity depends on it.

>Hulk Hogan admits 'Sex tape is worst thing ever'