As of now, it's less than two weeks to Christmas

It's that time of year when you put any notion of maintaining your physical performance away and enjoying lashings of gravy, turkey and stuffing. No doubt as well, you're probably going to be bestowed with some amazing socks and jocks, not to mention a hundred-thousand bathrobes and shaving kits that, frankly, you don't need. But one thing that's gone from a creeping proliferation to a full-scale infestation is this shit:

Look at it. You can just picture the smug grin on his face like, "Oh yeah, I'm being ironic by wearing a potential fire-hazard. It's so cool." Christmas jumpers are the worst.

Let's consider the logic of Christmas jumpers. Firstly, most single people meet other single people during the Christmas period. There's lots of birthday parties, work parties or just general mix of social circles. There's nothing wrong with a brother or sister dressing up and making themselves look good for these situations, right?

After all, Mr. and Ms. Right could be at one of these things. So why would you purposefully shoot yourself in the foot by wearing something that's tacky, itchy and nowhere near as funny as you think it is? No, really. These things aren't funny. They're ironic. We get it. They look awful, but you're seeing the funny side of it. You can't possibly wear one of these and expect to be taken seriously by someone you intend to score. It just doesn't work that way.

 

"Hey man, let's wear matching X-Mas jumpers and try to pull!"

So why do people continue to wear this shit? We can't for the life of us understand people who wear them. It's the equivalent of wearing reindeer-horns except you can't take them off easily. We get that you're reading this and thinking, "Wow, what a bunch of dry-shites," and you wouldn't be wrong. It's just that Christmas jumpers have become so popular now that they've lost their charm.

It's become such that you can't move through a club or pub on Christmas week without seeing at least ten of them. They've hit saturation point and now nobody's getting the desired effect from them. Instead, it's a sea of tackiness and cotton bobbles. Regardless of whether you're single or not, Christmas jumpers have now become so common that it's truly offputting. What probably began as a crap joke by that friend who tries way too hard to be funny is now just a good identifier for the person everyone more or less avoids because they get messy, MESSY drunk.

Think about it.

When you see a 12 Pubs of Christmas horde charging up your street, what are they wearing? That's right - Christmas jumpers. These awful, awful people have now congealed and banded together to create a smorgasbord of shitness that turn up at a place, drink badly, get annoying and then piss off to the next place.

There's been festive and then there's looking like an ornament. It's time to retire the Christmas jumper once and for all.

You're over it and so are we.