I always felt there was some kind of connection between myself and Helen Mirren, and now I know what it is... our shared fear of childbirth. The 62-year-old actress has attributed her lack of rug-roaming fodder to a video she was forced watch at school; "They sat us all down, boys and girls, all about 13-14 years old, in this horrible school hall. I swear it traumatised me to this day. I haven't had children and now I can't look at anything to do with childbirth. It absolutely disgusts me. I think (the video) has a lot to do with it. I think in deep, proper psychological terms I was traumatised." That and she probably wanted to maintain her cracking rack (another thing we happen to share). Seriously though; a full on childbirth video courtesy of your school at the age of 14? Now that's enforced contraception right there. Shame they didn't have that in my school. Mr. Dunne just asked us in religion class if any of us were virgins. Three of us were. Well, we were in sixth year. That's what happens when you leave sex education to the nuns.