Regarding the small matter of putting £189k in his dog Rosie's name, it looks like 'Arry's defense team has might have advised him to go down the "play dumb" route.

Yesterday in court he said: "My accountant runs my life. I don't see wage slips, I haven't seen one for 10 years. I don't see bank statements. I can't write. I'm the most disorganised person in the world. I can't work a computer or send emails. I can't even text. I have never wrote a letter in my life. I write like a two year old and I can't spell... The last thing I wanted was an account in Monaco. I was adamant that I wanted that money because Milan Mandaric said Peter Crouch was useless. I said, 'I've got 10 per cent to come.'"

Nice. Next week, expect him to say was wiping his own arse with £100 notes "cos I fought it was toilet paypaaah, dinnih."