It's January. We're bloated to bits, and so on, but Gwyneth has taken this annual 'seedy feeling' to a new level. Apologies.
The actress has collaborated with the team who work with her on her healthy eating website and nutritionist Dr. Alejandro Junger to produce a super-healthy detox menu for those who have piled on the pounds over the festive period.
Writing in the goop newsletter, she said: "You know we love a good detox here at goop, and this January is no exception. We created detox recipes that won't leave you feeling cold and hungry during the winter months, with guidance from Dr. Alejandro Junger, a specialist on the subject (check out his book 'Clean Gut' if you haven't already - life-changer)."
Among tips for detoxing in the cold weather, Gwyneth and her team recommend keeping socks and slippers on in the house, taking hot baths, wearing warm clothing both outside and inside and swapping cold smoothies or juices for warm soup.
Gwyneth added: "A winter detox allows us to harness our energy, hit reset on our food intake, and stay healthy and energised. We don't need to wait for summer to feel and look our best."
The 41-year-old Oscar winning star also helped devise a suggested three day detox menu, which she says has "looser guidelines and restrictions" to previous concoctions but still manages to avoid "dairy, gluten, shellfish, anything processed (including all soy products), nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and eggplant), condiments, sugar, alcohol, caffeine and soda." So essentially everything you've been scoffing with abandon for the last two months.
The menu recommends starting each day with a glass of room temperature lemon water and a herbal tea; chickpea, carrot or Miso soup for lunch and main meals of pan-steamed chicken and broccoli, coconut poached salmon or Quinoa stuffed Kabocha (Google images suggest it's a miniature pumpkin). Snack options include a handful of mixed seeds or walnut lentil Pâté.
I know we should be more positive about this, but there's just that internal voice mumbling "kill me now" to contend with.
It is unknown if Gwyneth will be using the detox plan herself. One can assume she feeds like this all the time; her body's a temple, while mine's a bit of a tip. Sausage roll, anyone? They hug you from the inside!