Last night was all about the slits (HollywoodLife.com went so far as to refer to it as a 'Slit Showdown', which is all manner of wrong...), the liberated breasts, and pants on display. The usual, so...
Let's just come out with it - Rita, fair play, this is a MILLION times better than that giant swatch of pinned fabric you hauled around at last week's MTV VMAs. This fits you. There's actual structure. If we were to pick holes, I'd love to see it without the sleeve, and I can't help imagining if someone in a wool mix outfit gave you a hug - they'd be stuck to you for life, but that's beside the point.
Also falling under our 'Slits' category, we have Lindsay Lohan. She didn't win anything, rather just turned up as London is currently her favourite place to be right now. While we appreciate the fact that she's one of the few who's modestly dressed, this dress makes her looks longer in the body than she needs to. We were going to say it'd look much better as a mini dress, but there's just no escaping the print. It resembles a floor rug from Liberace's vestibule.
Someone who didn't follow the 'legs or chest, never both' rule was Jessie J in this satin emerald number. Thankfully it's a look that embraces her body type. If, on the other hand, Daisy Lowe turned up in this, everyone would've had to duck. We'll get to Daisy and her choice shortly. She comes under the 'Peekaboob Dungaree' category.
In yet more slits, we of course had Kim Kardashian. A humble one, and rightly so consider her presumably custom made basque had so much cup cut away that the underwear is poking up like a horned creature. According to Elle, so fond is Kim of her rubber swimsuit that she teamed it with a latex skirt over the weekend at the Made In America festival. That would've looked better.
Next up, we have bridal wear courtesy of Nicole Scherzinger (WTF has happened to her upper lip? Seriously willing that to be some really full on contouring as opposed to the obvious) and Ellie Goulding. Sure, Nicole's choice is more casual in its execution given it's got a pink hue, while Ellie's opted for full on white. No prizes for assuming who'd be the more willing groom.
By way of contrast, we had Cara Delevingne and Jourdan in barely there dresses, both of which pull off with aplomb. If you're wondering if Cara's got a cockroach making haste across her face, it's a labret piercing.
And, finally to the look that's raising everyone's eyebrows - Daisy Lowe's tweed dungarees. Generally the rule is if you can see boobage on either side of the material, either wear an undergarment, go up a size, or get yourself another swimsuit. Daisy said to hell with all that. This is screaming out for a boob tube or a crop top added somewhere. At least she's keeping us abreast (apologies) on her God given assets; someone who'd had a boob job would absolutely not get away with wearing this - unless they've been getting on down the vitamin E cream for a number of years.
Those also worth a mention include our Irish contingent. Angela Scanlon and Van Morrison were in attendance last night and also managed to raise our eyebrows momentarily. We desperately wondered where Angela's toenails had disappeared to (until we copped it was part of the shoe) and were dazzled by Van's face. That there is a smile - a most rare and beautiful thing...