Mr. Smart is the new editor of The Sun's showbiz column, Bizarre. Now, I've seen my fair share of editors come and go (Dominic Monaghan being a personal favourite) but this fellah seems to be lost down a cul-de-sac of female flesh. I've been subjecting myself to his work for the past week and there's an unimaginative pattern forming - mainly involving an array of breasts. Take today's edition of Bizarre - we've got Celebrity Mum of the Year, Jordan, with her hoop out; a picture of Rod Stewart's offspring (not Kimberly) looking scared in her underwear; a special about Robbie Williams' new love interest (with undercurrents of Gordon wanting to give her one); a close up of someone fiddling with Mariah Carey's boobs; and another story about boobs (this time they're attached to Rihanna). In fact, the only report that's not primarily about a pair of mammaries features Bryan McFadden asking Delta Goodrem to marry him… oh. OK, you could argue that there's only one t*t featured in that story but Delta did accept his proposal… Here, Gordon, stop fidgeting with your ring and come across with something newsworthy. Don't forget showbiz gossip primarily caters to a female audience and not all of them are as bi-curious as myself.