And you thought Angelina Jolie looked uncomfortable/slightly waxen in our Homepage Highlight photo. I bet it's cause she's not wearing black/grey/white. Indeed I do always make a big whup about it when Jolie is in an actual hue - especially one so feminine in tone - but that's simply because it's such an infrequent occurrence. One she's not likely to repeat in a hurry given the head on her.
Then again, perhaps she was worried Ricky Gervais was going to start ripping the mick out of Brad's third leg... She needn't have worried, as it happens Gervais didn't rip it out of anyone in the audience this year, instead he said stuff like "Tonight, you get Britain's biggest comedian hosting the world's second biggest award show on America's third biggest network. Oh, sorry, fourth. It's fourth." He also described it as "like the Oscars, but without the esteem" (Andie McDowell, Nicole Richie, and Madonna were there to prove his point). It wasn't all that measures - he did drop an obvious clanger involving Jodie Foster and The Beaver... I could go on, but I'm sure Mike might want to discuss his (that being Ricky's) performance further when he gets into the office. That and I don't want to take away from your viewing pleasure this evening (By the by, you can check out the list of winners here...)
TO THE PHOTOS! The following fillies got it spot on last night - in my humble opinion. Do bear in mind that I've got a penchant for black, so anyone wearing that - apart from Debra Messing (too bulky looking) - will feature on...
The Good List...
Claire Danes... no, no, wait til you see the back.
Glenn Close- This isn't the most amazing dress we've ever seen, but it's better than her usual red carpet offerings.
Penelope Ann Miller - The boobs are at risk of escaping but what a nice colour against her skin.
Zooey Deschanel - Sexy, demure and trendy, this New Girl is one of our favourites (again, observe the rear view)
Laura Derne - Showing nothing more than a hint of cleavage, to quote Ryan Gosling from 'Crazy, Stupid, Love', she's "really wearing that dress like she's doing it a favour."
Sofia Vergara - Could there be a sexier woman than this lady? That figure. Those boobs. Those arms. That hair. #jealous.
Julie Bowen - So simple and pretty, with a classic Hollywood hairstyle, this is one of the most feminine dresses of the evening. It even gives her curves.
Missi Pyle - This slightly divides opinion in the entertainment.ie towers but we're sticking it in the good pile for being original, a pretty colour and nicely matched with red lips.
Jessica Chastain - For quite a slender figure, this dress gives Jessica some nice lines. A daring colour well executed with subtle beads for a nice touch.
Salma Hayack - This is a dress you want to keep looking at. And not just because of her rack. Slightly Cleopatra-esque, 10/10 for Miss Hayek.
Tilda Swinton - She's looked far worse in recent times so we're giving her a break. Well done Tilda. You don't look horrific.
Evan Rachel Wood- Channeling some sort of Mermaid/Peacock hybrid, for some reason this just works. But we still dislike her for getting to make out with Ryan Gosling in The Ides of March.
Sarah Hyland - My, hasn't she grown up! Rocking some subtle lace with equally as subtle accessories, Sarah is a far cry from what you'd usually expect from a teen on the Red Carpet.
Kate Beckinsale - Fabulous, as always (we'll overlook the less than dainty sandals).
Emma Stone - Smouldering goddess.
The Bad List...
Sarah Michelle Geller - That looks like a tie dyed bedspread.
Michelle Williams- That in fact is crushed velvet.
Paula Patton - Too. Much. Yellow.
Elle Macpherson - Trip hazard.
Piper Perabo - Anything you have to merrily haul around shouldn't be allowed. That and I don't like her name.
Julianna Margulies - Insert usual quip regarding intestinal/fallopian tubing.
Sharon Osbourne - Too big, too patterned, too young, doesn't go with shoes, is on Sharon Osbourne.
Kelly Osbourne - Between the weight of the material - and having to wait for those in her vicinity to put on protective eye wear thanks to her shoulder pads - she had to remain stationary for the entire ceremony.
Charlize Theron- That saccharin bow is bringing her down. Literally.
Jessica Biel- It might work on someone taller. Who chose to wear their hair up. And less fussy footwear that managed to keep their toes contained.
Amanda Peet- Hello, 1978.
Tina Fey- Makes me feel like sneezing.
Emily Watson - Blllllleeeeeeeuuuurrrggghhhmeeeh.
The Not Quite List...
Madonna - I like the dress, shame it doesn't like her boobs.
Nicole Richie - I like the dress, I just can't get past her being there.
Elizbeth McGovern - it's nice, it's simple. But that's about it.
Jessica Alba - It does look nice. But it also looks like it'd snag/lacerate the bejaysis out of anything it comes in contact with.
Nicole Kidman - I know the gold detail on the bust isn't her nipples, but it's making me think of her nipples, which isn't great. That and it's just too darn busy.
Natalie Portman - nice colour on her, but too bulky.
Ferdia Pinto - please see above.
Lea Michele- It's all about the WOW factor, which she pulls off with her usual understated *hurs* flair, and her breasts look amazing, but the neckline lets it down. And her little piggies poking out down help either.
Diana Agron - it takes a special kind of lady to pull off that shade of red. Shame the Cut-Out-And-Keep doily bodice, which seems to be conveying an abstract re-imagining of The Children Of Lir at Chinese New Year. An unwelcome distraction from her stunning face.
Kate Winslet - Nice up top, shame about down below... too short, too white and too puckered. And the footwear looks slightly corrective.
Reese Witherspoon - We're being quite harsh here, has the colour is lovely, but the bodice makes her boobs look depressed.
Julianne Moore - Stunning accessories (her hair included). Let's just thank God she went for that dress in black...
As for Angelina... Fair play for trying something new, but we'd prefer to see her in something she's more comfortable in - and preferably cleavage baring.