With Brian O'Driscoll stepping out onto the pitch of Lansdowne today for his final home appearance, we're frankly shocked that the rights to his life hasn't been snapped up by Jerry Bruckheimer or Steven Spielberg. Naturally, we've set out to rectify that by coming up with a few ideas for Hollywood to make B'OD's life-story more accessible to foreign audiences.
5. ONLY B'OD FORGIVES
This actually works because, much like Ryan Gosling's character in this, Drico has to say nothing. Instead, he just has to stare blankly at different people until they shit themselves. Already this is 500 times better than the actual film. And he gets to go to Thailand, which is lovely this time of year.
4. B'OD AND GENERALS
Drico is dropped into the American Civil War and fights against the Confederacy. Have you ever seen the US rugby team? B'OD could take them all on in one go, so he could.
A 50-feet rugby player descends on Tokyo and destroys it with his gigantic arms and ability to push through defences. Walter White and your man from Kick-Ass look on in horror. Music from 2001: A Space Odyssey plays during the whole thing.
2. LIFE OF BRIAN (O'DRISCOLL)
O'Driscoll hangs around with the cast of Monty Python. Michael Palin takes him on a lovely trip of the countryside with peaceful narration, John Cleese reprises his role from Rat Race and takes bet whilst Terry Gilliam makes a paper-mache version of O'Driscoll's try from two weeks ago. Eric Idle and Terry Jones look on in amazement.
1. THE B'ODFATHER
A retiring rugby player / criminal mastermind must hand over the reigns of a successful empire to a load of young whippersnappers who probably aren't up to the task. Wait a second...