The main theme for last night's Emmys (winners' list available here) was "shiny". Very shiny. And "red". Very red. And boobs. There were some boobs. And some sweat stains.

The plan was to pass comment on each of the ensembles, but - as it turns out - there's not a lot to say... They were all nice? I mean, even Kelly Osbourne looks nice... even if the fishtail part of her gown looks like it's been tacked on with a staple gun in the local haberdashers. Lea Michele looks nice in red, as does Angela Kingsley, Nina Dobrev, this homogeneous lovely (although the tyre track around her thighs is unnecessary) and - of course, Kate Winslet. Yes, she does look like she's sucking in for dear life in this picture; that aside, it's a lovely dress. The only person who didn't quite nail it in red was Adriana Pailicki. Maybe it was better in the flesh, but it just looks a little flat. Where's the oomph? She's giving it loads, but it looks like the dress is sulking... Oh and Rancic didn't get it right, mainly because she looks like a recently retrieved tendon.

As for the shiny offerings, as well as Claire Danes and Paris Hilton's aunty, we had iridescent dresses from Cara Buono, Brooke Anderson, Cobie Smudler, (I don't recognise any of these names either, it's OK), and Christina Hendricks' intergalactic space orbs.

Those who kept things subtle include Phoebe Price (no idea why she was there, nor am I arsed finding out), one Karen Kramer, and - would you believe it - Gwyneth Paltrow. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled she didn't turn up in a shapless white dress for once, and this does suit her, but it's itching my eyes... if you don't know what I mean, try focussing on her midriff for longer than ten seconds without blinking furiously or rubbing your peepers... In saying that, it's not as bad as Jayma Mays' ensemble, which is instilling a furious bout of hayfever.

Finally, busy, busy, plaaaain, drained and panto.

If you're looking for a clear winner in the style stakes, the award would go to last night's host Jane Lynch. You may not agree, but considering she usually rocks up a red carpet in exhibits A, B, or C, this is quite the turnaround.