By now, you'll have experienced Facebook's new emoji system for expressing a wide range (not really, to be honest) of emotions on social media.
And while we're all reasonably happy with the whole thing, there's definitely a few suggestions that could make to 'oul Mark Zuckerberg that'd help with fine-tuning it for an Irish audience. In short, Facebook could do with a slight geographic overhaul of the interface and make it more in tune with our own experience.
Sure, the great thing about Facebook is that it's ubiquitous and everyone's Facebook is the same. But here's a few choices that could help everyone in Ireland acclimate to it more.
8. ACTUALLY GIVE US A DISLIKE BUTTON LIKE YOU PROMISED
We all heard you say it, Mark Zuckerberg. Why go back on it? And how hard is it to make an UNLIKE button? We need five or six faces to express something? We do, yeah.
"Got my results back today and I'm so happ--!" DISLIKE, DISLIKE.
7. MAKE A 'F*CK THAT' BUTTON INSTEAD
If you can't give us a Dislike button, how about a F*ck That button instead? You click a little red button and the post disappears from your Timeline and so to does the person who posted it. Then, a few days later, they receive an official letter from Facebook saying that they're to cross the street the next time they see whoever clicked the F*ck That button because, honestly? F*ck that.
6. DO AWAY WITH INVITES FOR EVENTS ALTOGETHER
If you're sending Invites through Facebook, chances are it's to some shitty gig fifty miles away that you honestly have no intention of going to. So why the charade? Sure, you can click I'm Going! but we both know you haven't hope. You'll be knee deep in your third pizza and working your way through Season 5 of the US Office.
5. HAVE A RING-FENCED AREA FOR EVERYONE'S MAM
We don't need to see another Minion meme, Angel quote or a sideways picture from your second cousin's 21st. So how's about we make a separate Facebook for them where they can roam free and ask everyone how to upload a video to Facebook. It'll be better for them.
4. FAILING THAT, HAVE A "DO NOT PUBLISH TO MAM" OPTION
That picture your a-hole friend took of you slightly along last night is now all over Facebook. Nobody wants to see it. You skilfully de-tag yourself, but you know your a-hole friend is also friends with your Mam and they'll see it. Deploy the Do Not Publish To Mam option and it'll blank any and all compromising images from their feed. You won't have to worry about that picture of you mauling someone's face off in the background or getting rolled down a hill in a trolley. The less they know, the better.
3. LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT YOU'RE UNFOLLOWING THEM, NOT UNFRIENDING THEM
Some people share too much. WAY too much. If it's not some funny image or story, it's them using the Status Update like Twitter. Sometimes, we don't care about your thoughts on the new episode of The Good Wife or Homeland. And we want you to know that. So when we purposefully Unfollow you on Facebook, we want you to get the message that you're annoying as f*ck on Facebook and you should sort that out. No judgement, just honesty and forthrightness.
2. HAVE AN 'I CALL BULLS**T' OPTION FOR PEOPLE'S STATUS
Did you really just run 10K uphill whilst doing an Ice Bucket Challenge whilst eating clean and training dirty? Did you f*ck. You might have everyone fooled with your skilled use of Instagram filters and ONLY checking in when you're going to a posh restaurant or nightclub, but we all know you're putting up a facade of all this. The rule is this - if more than five people call Bullshit, your Facebook account is suspended pending an investigation by independent adjudicators. They'll see if you actually were in Lillie's Bordello or were you actually down the road in Dicey's.
You mean you're NOT on a first-name basis with Colin Farrell?
1. CREATE AN ENGAGEMENT ANNOUNCEMENT FILTER THAT BLOCKS IMAGES OF RINGS
Nobody gives a shit, people. Really. We can all pretend, but we really do not give a shit if you're getting married to somebody you met when you were in Canada / Australia / New Zealand / London. Stay there, to be honest. Don't bother coming back.
When you see the fifth engagement photo of the day.