She was opening some nightclub called The Mansion near the Spawell. This is where I'd normally type *tumbleweeds* but her visit managed to make its way across the internet, gracing various UK showbiz websites yesterday and American blogs today. I wasn't going to give it a mention, 'cause I find her about as entertaining as a sack of discarded hair extensions, but some of you might enjoy the pictures and who am I to deny you stuff the mighty Internet deems popular.

The lovely Michelle Beatty brought Lloyd's presence to my attention when we were having a gossip on Spin's Plan B last Saturday. As the former Miss England was due to be on the show after our chat; when Michelle mentioned her name mid conversation (we were talking about breast size at the time), I clammed up. The few files the brain was slowly flipping through all roused the same thought: "Nah, if she's listening in and heard me say that, she'd probably decline to go on air. Yep… that too." Instead, I muttered "yeah, boobs" and something innocuous about the Spawell Complex.

Here's some of the pressing issues that could've been addressed had I not been a hen's excrement: What is the point of Danielle Lloyd being on the radio - I had to watch her with the sound down when she was on Celebrity Big Brother. She should only ever come in pictorial form... How come she came out of the Big Brother Race Row unscathed when she was spouting just as much ignorant muck as Jade and Jo S Club 7?... What's the reasoning behind putting the word 'talent' in the title of her glamour modelling agency when little is required to remove one's clothes? ...  How does she feel about being Jordan's clone? ... How much longer can she generate a career out of coyly cupping her breasts?...