... you know, in spite of him heading off to air hostesses apartments in Dubai, and paying for sex off a Morroccan teenager while on a stag do in Madrid - while his fiancee was pregnant with his first born (or am I getting confused with Wayne Rooney? Meh, they're all merging into jersey sporting penises headbutting balls around a field/brothel).

Yeah so, they got married here, she wore this, blah, blah, bllaaacchh, it all cost a fortune , bleh, but the overriding undercurrent here is just how uncomfortable Peter Crouch looks. Sure it's hard for a 6ft 7in body to look anything apart from fiercely gangly, but these posed photographs are very telling.

For example, you don't have to be a body language expert to analyse this one, this one, and this one. I mean, just look at how he melts into her loving embrace :-/ Then it appears he throws the towel in completely, legging it into a nearby car and speeding off, leaving Abbey to shout orders at her herd of suited bridesmaids - "C'mon yih foochin' laaahd aaaases, he's gerrin' awayyyy!"