It's been a heebie jeebie bank hollier for two singers and one celebrity. Let's start with Cheryl, who was "bitten" by an enthused female fan in Belfast.

Sources report that the incident happened outside the Malmaison Hotel, where Girls Aloud were staying while gigging in the Odyssey Arena. Cheryl was dutifully hanging around the front of the hotel (probably beside a large sign, emblazoned with the hotel's name) for a photo op when a "crazed fan lunged at her" and then ran off shouting "I kissed Cheryl, I kissed Cheryl!" As it turns out, the girl in question had braces and nipped Cheryl's lip, resulting in a wee bit of bleeding. So disturbed was Cheryl, herself and the rest of the girls herded straight to Dublin for their gig, even though they were "due to stay another night at the hotel" ('cause NOTHING like that would happen in Dublin... *looks around shiftily*) How a manic randomer managed to get that close in the first place is a smite perplexing, but truly motivational for other excitable cannibals with boundary issues.

In other "HOW in the name of jaysis did that happen?" type happenings; a 20-year-old drunkard managed to obtain access to Britney Spears during her "RREEEMAAANOOOZZZEEER" encore in Connecticut on Saturday. His name is Kyle King and, looking at the video footage, he easily wangled himself passage onto the arena stage and started busting a move in front of Britney, who FREAKED out entirely. One might empathise, as all she appeared to have for security were backing dancers kind've waving their batons in his direction - until her actual security guards whipped the young fellah off stage.

Of his invasion, Kyle said: "She freaked me out because she was so scared. She acted like I was going to hurt her or something. I think [she] was kind of screaming, 'Oh my god! Oh my god!'... I was arrested. I was taken downstairs to a holding cell at the concert, but I didn't actually go to a jail... It's really not that big of a deal. I think it's being blown out of proportion. Do I regret it? Not at all. I'd do it again." Even though it cost him $250 in bail, and set Britney back about two years mentally.

The first bit of footage I saw of the incident was taken from faaaaaar away, so it just looks like someone dressed as Britney stopped jigging up and down momentarily. This close up footage, however, tells a fairly different story, with Britney hollering her head off in "DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!" style fear… Yet there's nary a peep through the micromaphone hanging off her face. You'd almost feel sorry for her only she's currently stealing a living. Given the get up, alongside the entire absence of a live mic, she should just save herself the hassle and hire a look-a-like to jig absentmindedly through her set.

Oh, and Leona Lewis got scared after a man followed her back to her LA home. She'd been shopping, or something. He was still there when she looked out her window so she jumped on a plane back to England. The end. Sorry, she bores the bits off me.