Today's headlining story of a gossipy nature: Simon Cowell's mother is pleading with him to ease his workload for fear he'll die from a heart attack - like his father... Dun, dun DUUUUUUUN!!!

Firstly, I'm aware heart attacks - fatal or otherwise - are no laughing matter, but I'm in hyper cynical form this morning, and therefore the article in today's Sun merely reads like a promo for Cowell's myriad of upcoming shows. Observe:

"Frantic mum Julie, 84, led the calls when she learned of Cowell's packed upcoming diary, according to a source close to the star. The confidante said: 'There's no point being the richest man in the cemetery. The family are protective of Simon and saw what happened to his father. Simon's mum is freaking out. His family think he's doing too much and are telling him to slow down before his workload seriously damages his health. His mum is putting her foot down. He's got America's Got Talent, Britain's Got Talent and X Factor - as well as the new US X Factor and new UK game show Red Or Black (hosted by Ant and Dec, and expected to hit screens in September, everybody). It's too much for one person'."

In a recent interview for Piers Morgan's American chat show, Simon broke down (as everyone does on Piers Morgan's show,  which makes me suspect they get paid by the tear) saying the day his father died was "the worst day of my life." Reading this, I assumed his father was ripped from him at an early age. As it happens, Eric Cowell died aged 81.

Forgive me for being crass, but dying from heart attack at 81, in my experience, is pretty good innings.

Live long a prosper, Simon. And try not to suffer a cardiac arrest within the next 30 years or so, otherwise I might feel a bit guilty :-/