Grab yer bell, yer whistle, and Nicole Scherzinger's arse - 'cause she clearly wants you to - and join us to ogle the launch of The X Factor USA.
We have Simon and Paula purveying their totally natural 'Phil and Kirstie' sexual tension; Nicole Scherzinger sticking her aforementioned arse out (and just when you thought she couldn't make it protrude any more - BOOYAH); one of Simon's leggy ex-girlfriend; a few of Paula and Nicole checking out each other's bits in very close proximity as Simon looks on; a couple of Simon admiring Nicole's fine features; Simon and Paula making kissy faces at each other; Simon looking smug; approximately two photographs of LA Reid looking uncharacteristically uncool, and hardly any of Steve Jones tagged on the end of the line-up so he doesn't show up Simon. TAAAH DAAAH
Speaking at the screening premiere held at ArcLight Theater in LA last night, Cowell burbled: "I'm feeling excited now. There are always nerves before a launch but they are good nerves... I'm really starting to have a good time now and looking forward to (the premiere). I've always wanted to have a TV premiere in a cinema. It's brilliant!"
Simon Cowell, moving one inevitable step further towards overkill.
