Cheryl Cole accused doctors of trying to kill her when she was treated for malaria. Apparently she was delirious, not just paranoid. there's a difference.

You may recall that the singer was diagnosed with the disease in July 2010 after returning home from a trip to Tanzania with Derek Hough and she was so delirious from the illness she got a serious case of the fear about the intentions of the medical staff treating her when she was admitted to hospital.

In an extract from her new autobiography (plug, plug, plug) Cheryl: My Story (as opposed to anyone else's) she recalls: "I remember waking up in Cromwell Hospital, delirious. That was when I started accusing the doctors of trying to kill me. They had been trying to take my blood again as soon as I arrived. They were also covering my body in freezing, wet towels to try and lower my temperature, but I flung these back at them. First they were struggling to find a vein, then there was blood pumping out of my wrist. My face was so puffy my eyes were like slits, and I was so swollen I looked nine months pregnant. A guy held an oxygen mask on my face, but I said, 'I know what you're doing. You're all trying to kill me. Don't think I'm stupid.'"

Cheryl's condition was so serious she was given just 24 hours to live by doctors if she didn't respond to treatment: "Both lungs were filled with fluid, my liver was three times normal size and I was five minutes away from needing life-long kidney dialysis. I didn't know that then, thank God. They put a catheter on me and I heard someone say, 'If she doesn't get rid of some of this fluid in the next 24 hours, we've lost her.' I heard my mum's (Joan Callaghan) voice, and then somebody told her, 'She may have left it too late.' 'She'll be fine,' my mum replied calmly. 'Cheryl's a fighter.' She never, ever flaps'."

Apart from when she's squatting up a storm onstage, a course. Apologies.

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