So it was reported in this morning's Metro Herald that Cher (not the 70% of the original Cher who sings Do You Believe, the other Cher) was in snippy form during a recent radio interview somewhere in Norf England. When she was queried if she'd duet with her ex-mentor, she said: "Maybe if she sings live with me… [it's] always a [challenge] nowadays, when you haven't got the nifty little button to press." When the presenter asked if she was inferring that Cheryl relied on autotune, Cher sniggered: "What? Oh no. Never, never ever!"

So now Cheryl's responded on Twitter, which I'm sure she's thrilled she joined given the amount of spates she's had on it, saying: "Be Careful who you kick on your way up... They kick you twice as hard on your way back down. #unappreciationisugly"

That's fair enough, but it's not as Cheryl wasn't paid to look like she was mentoring Cher on a TV show, and then didn't take much of an interest afterwards…

C'mere, it was this article or me giving out about being subjected to Viv off Emmerdale's arse thanks to those Calendar Girls posters all over the Dart. Don’t get me wrong, I'm fierce glad it's getting bright at 7am now, but not if it means disembarking a Dart to see Viv off Emmerdale's arse, underboob and splayed legs astride a piano stool (I do spare a thought for the underside of the piano daily). Throw in the added visual of Lynda Bellingham's crotch rammed against the corner of that brave piano, and it's enough to make the eyes water of a morning. And the show's run hasn't even started yet, there's at least another six weeks of arse action every am.

Aren't you lucky, two innocuous stories for one. Such is the state of today's celebrity gossip. Although I hear "RIP Chris Brown" is trending on Twitter. He is of course not dead, folk just didn't like his back flipping Grammy performances. Yes, he got to perform twice. At the time, Modern Family's Eric Stonestreet tweeted: "Are Chris Brown’s mom and dad CBS and Grammy Brown?" while Jack Osbourne added: "Chris Brown... people don’t forget! #chrisbrownbeatswomen... If Chris Brown had worn a wife beater, the irony would eclipse the whole show”...

Grammy producer Ken Ehrlich said he was actually "kind of rooting for Brown... just believe people deserve a second chance. The year he had this year, really brought him back into the public. He really deserved a second chance."

Would you look at that, three innocuous stories.