It could very well be the temperature of 103, coupled with the cocktail of prescription meds (thanks to John and Alicia who looked after the gossip yesterday, as I was lapsing in and out of consciousness down the end of my bed. You can't honestly say you've had the flu until you've considered not leaving said bed to perform certain unfortunate bodily functions…), but I don't mind openly admitting that I'm fiercely enjoying this year's Celebrity Big Brother.
Monday saw the torturous "talent show", which only served to highlight Mutya (ex-Sugababe who really needs to learn how to remove the harlot from her wardrobe) as the lone person in possession of any. It also made me wonder how in the name of Jaysis Michelle got away with being in Liberty X for as long as she did (then again, that stumpy blond fellah also made the grade).
This spectacle, however, was blown out of the pond by last night's offering involving the celebrities swapping personalities with a partner, which lead to the most unabated bout of good natured bitchiness. Choice examples included Coolio as Verne, baaing: "I'm a grown man, I can look after myself, leave me alone" (a comment uttered while Coolio was circling the sitting room on Mini Me's scooter). Then there was Michelle pointing out to Ben (playing Ulrika, he used to be in A1...) that he was in need of a navel wax, to which he replied: "At my age I just can't be bothered". A personal favourite, however, was Michelle chirruping the following as NUTS glamour model Lucy Pinder: "This guy approached me on a beach and offered me loads of money to get them out… so I did. I didn't want to get them out but I've earned LOADS from it… One day they're gonna drop. Until then, these babies are staying out!... All this talk makes me feel quite sick though, I'm actually really shy and timid" - all while twirling her hair in a suitable affected manner.
As if that stark truth wasn't enough for Lucy to swallow, she also learned that 'head of house' Terraay 'The WORD' Christian found her to be the most talentless individual in the house. She, alongside Ulrika, who Terry deems to be in possession of the most inflated ego (I reckon he tried it on with her in the early ‘90s and she rebuffed him) and Ben, who lacks integrity apparently, were all herded off into a teeny room to watch the remaining house mates state who they wanted to save. Ben was the obvious choice, leaving Ulrika and Lucy up for the public vote on Friday. Why Davina needed a crowd of people surrounding her for 2.5 hours to inform us of this fact is still unclear.
Last night’s highlights: Michelle crying in the diary room after Coolio kept inferring that herself and Ben want to maul each other, saying: “He's making a big deal aboot nothin'!" (bawling in the diary room is making a big deal about nothing, love)… The look on a scooter bound Verne's face when Big Brother asked him "stand up" to reveal the name of the house mate he wanted to save… La Toya ensuring that no one asks if she was married, for the fourth day on the trot, by telling Ben her horrific story about how she was forced into marrying her manager, which resulted in bouts of physical abuse. No wonder she resembles a spooked meerkat. What we can expect tonight: a half naked Terry getting an oily rubdown.