As I gingerly dodged discarded prophylactics strewn across my path to work this morning, it got the brain pondering the self-induced plight of Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou (George Michael to you). Why is he repeatedly caught with his pants (proverbial or otherwise) down? Is it because his actions never have repercussions (bar the odd hit single)? For the three of you at the back who've not passed a newspaper stand since Friday; Mr. Michael has added being caught smoking crack in a public toilet near Hampstead Heath to his list of indiscretions. Despite being caught with a class A drug in a public pace, and previous drugs offences, Mr. Michael was given a mere caution by the police and escorted home.

Prior to this, in 2006, the singer was caught "slumped in his car with drugs" twice in as many months. He got a playful pat on the backside in the form of a two year driving ban - something which would impact hugely on those who can afford chauffeurs. Then there's the small matter of him getting caught "taking part in a lewd act in a Beverly Hills toilet" in 1998. Then he was seen crawling from a bush in Hampstead Heath, followed swiftly by a middle-aged white van driver, last year.

Is Kenny Goss, his partner for over a decade, still with him? He is indeed. Is it hard to respect someone who continuously takes your sh*te, no matter how much you create? I'd imagine it is. Might you feel they're just staying with you for the trappings of fame? Undoubtedly.

Yet more questions accosted me while wriggling on to the Luas - has George's moral barometer gone askew as no one is around to reprimand him - is he a toddler acting out in order to feel the comfort of boundaries? Is he doing the usual "bloke thing" - displaying deplorable behaviour in the hopes he's the one who gets dumped (in which case, grow a set)? Might he be sick of the nodding dogs around him, the superficiality and the sycophancy which hums of desperation on a daily basis - so much so that he wishes to immerse himself in its purest form? Is he so filled with self-loathing that he feels deserving of a public toilet crack habit? Is he still mourning the loss of a boyfriend, Anselmo Feleppa, who died of Aids?

However, the real pressing question is "why just a caution?" According to The Sun, the singer "pleaded" with police as a "conviction could get him barred from America, where he has an Aids benefit gig next month - his charity would lose £2million in ticket sales if he could not go." A source told the paper: "He was very emotional. He kept saying, 'Please, you'll ruin my career'." Suuure, the police will be responsible for ruining your career... The source continued: "His sob story worked - he escaped with a caution. He was even chauffeured home. He only got away with it because of his celebrity status."

You'll just have to try something more drastic next time, George. I dunno - hold someone hostage, or fall asleep at the wheel of your 4x4 and...