He's also been charged with making criminal threats. It's not all smashing news, however. According to WENN: "Chris Brown and his attorney Mark Geragos did not enter a plea to the two felony charges. In a proceeding that took roughly 4 minutes and 20 seconds, the judge granted Brown's request to move the arraignment to April 6th." Why? "Reports suggest Geragos is keen to strike a plea deal with prosecutors to keep his client out of jail." In the interim, the judge has asked Brown not to "annoy, harass, molest, threaten or use force or violence against anyone." Some people do need to be told.

In more saddening tidings; when the subject of a "no-contact order" came up, the judge said: "Miss (Rihanna) Fenty does not request such an order."

Meanwhile, Rihanna's father, Ronald, has been updating the press with his view on the proceedings, and they're suitably grim: "I've been hearing so many stories... but I can't get on to her. Her mother can't get on to her; her brother told me she changed her email. Somebody has a stranglehold on her. I'm lost... I'll text the old numbers she had, and I call them. One girl answered, and she said, 'This is not Robyn's (that'd be Rihanna. Robyn's her first name) number anymore.' I asked, 'Do you work for Robyn? Do you deal with Robyn?' and the girl hung up, so I don't know what's going on anymore." Seemingly her last text read: "'Daddy, I miss you.' And that's it. And I could not reply. I saw a number and texted back, 'I miss you too.' And I didn't get another reply from her."

Lastly, according to TMZ: "Based on our information, it seems Brown wants to avoid a trial at all costs because the picture of Rihanna taken one day after the incident - which has not been seen anywhere publicly - is unbelievable. During the proceeding, Brown signed a waiver of presence, allowing his lawyer to act on his behalf - meaning he won't have to show up to any minor court proceedings before April 6th." More time for jet skiing and generally looking like a smug git - WHOOOOP!

If convicted he could face anywhere from 8 months to 4 years. We all know, however, that he's going to walk away with some form of community service 'cause Rihanna, in a prolonged fit of folly, has taken him back.