I thought it might be nice to post something (ANYTHING) which involved Kelly Brook speaking, as she didn't mouth much (bar "I agree with Piers!" and "That was FANTASTIC!") during her brief stint judging Britain's Got Talent, which (finally) aired on Saturday. It was gas how they did it. She just arrived to "join" panel for the Manchester leg of the auditions, and then no further reference was made to her once they moved the BGT circus to Birmingham.

So here's Kelly talking about her breasts, 'cause what else can she witter on about ad nauseum: "I like to wear stretchy clothes that will fit my narrow back as well as accommodate my bust, and I prefer classic, structured shapes. I love being able to control my waist and push up my boobs. When the structure is good, I don't need to wear underwear... I'm aware of my shape, of course, and I really like it. But if I'm honest, I never, ever think about my boobs. It seems everyone else is thinking about them for me." Probably because you're not wearing a bra and you're approximately an E cup. I don't care how "structured" your clothes are - anything over a B needs proper harnessing. But then there's the "career" to consider...

In other BGT news - that mad ex-priest who likes scuppering the chances of marathon runners by pouncing on them mid-race at the Olympics has been voted through to the next round by Piers and Amanda. 62-year-old Neil Horan - who's a national embarrassment - danced a jig, something which had Simon Cowell lunging for his buzzer immediately, while Piers said: "This guy represents every folk dancer in the country and I for one am going to say yes."

A BGT spokesperson said: "Neil attended auditions to display his talent at Irish dancing and his past only came to light following his performance." Other sources, meanwhile, say the producers knew exactly who he was and "turned a blind eye in the hope he would pull a stunt that would promote publicity." Neil managed to restrain himself, but has a number of "planned activities including the Epsom Derby next month and the forthcoming British Grand Prix. Just wait and see."

No thanks - looking at you do a jig outside London's Old Bailey after being cleared of indecently assaulting a 7-year-old girl is enough weirdness from one individual. Then you didn't have the decency to do yourself an injury when invading the track at Silverstone. You're nothing but a nuisance who would jeopardise the wellbeing of others for just a glimmer of negative attention. 

No wonder he went down a storm with Piers.