The sleet streaming down... Me crawling into my clothes under the covers... The blind pawing of the kitchen cupboards, hoping they contain something resembling breakfast. It's 1988 and I'm ten again... While we continue to wallow in the winter of our discontent, fear not, we can always rely on one particularly enjoyable Irish pastime - revelling in the misery of those better off than ourselves!! *commences jig around desk while WHOOPING violently*

Yeah, so the thought of touring is giving Britney the fear. One source told The Sun: "Britney is in danger of not going on tour as she has been having paralysing panic attacks. Every time there is a crisis, Britney screams and cries and locks herself in her room. She has been telling her doctor she feels under pressure and ill when she thinks about touring. She is worried about being on the road without her kids, and fears that her performance will be branded a flop."

When one feels the cold grip of 'the fear' curling around the stomach/bowel area, certain activities do help. They mainly involve some form of rigorous exercise. Fresh air. Good honest to jaysis food, including lots of veg and brightly coloured fruits. Quiet time - meditating, reading, doodling the dark contents of your brain. Laughter aided by your preferred DVD Boxset (I'm currently being assisted by Flight of The Conchords, as well as re-runs of Pulling and Never Mind The Buzzcocks on Dave). The odd gut-wrenching scream, and so on. What you don't need is a large stage and thousands of people waiting for you to mime songs you didn't write, while you writhe your way through a reenactment of your recent breakdown. You also don't need to be sued by a former leech on your life...

Sam Lufti "has filed a lawsuit against Britney, Jamie and Lynne Spears claiming 'libel, defamation, battery, intentional infliction of emotional distress and breach of contract'." The rest comes from the HUGE team of people working in TMZ: "Sam claims Jamie and Lynn 'launched a campaign of lies and intimidation designed to destroy Lutfi and drive him out of Britney's life.' In the lawsuit, Sam claims he was standing in Britney's kitchen on January 29, 2008 when Jamie stormed into the house. Lutfi alleges Jamie yelled at him, claiming Sam made a rude comment to Lynne the night before. Then, Sam claims, Jamie 'intentionally punched him in the chest' and threatened to kill him if he ever heard Sam make a rude comment about Lynne or any member of the Spears family again. All the claims of libel and defamation spring from Lynne's book, Through the Storm... Lutfi says since the publication of the book, he 'has been subjected to unfathomable amounts of ridicule and public scorn'." Really? That's a bit mad considering Lynne's blatant expose of her children's lives sold f*** all copies.